a letter

this is my letter to a friend who asked me of why i was away with my parents, i told him its a long story, so he asked me to just write it through mail. so last february, one morning, i decide to make that letter, and it gave me an idea, why not post it on my blog. so here it is.


Assalamu alaikum,

Hi aslam, I'm sorry if I am too busy, if I don't get to answer all ur querries, but it doesn't mean that u are less important, I was just busy with other things,


Anyway, I was Seven years old when I got separated from my parents, before I don't understand why does it need to happened that way, when I was a kid until I reach the age of 22, I kept on asking myself, why my parents needs to give me to other people. Actually not other people but, my aunt, my father's sister. But I was so young then to understand everything.

All I could remember is that I was six years old, I was grade on that time in elementary grade. I was on the way, when my mom picked me up, when I asked her why, she just told me that people on the river shouldn't see me, she told me that we need to escape. Then I saw this people near the river, they were fully armed by heavy rifles, my mom was so afraid, I don't know what's happening.

So my mom and I walked away, we entered in one house. Then we stayed there until late at night. Then on midnight, my uncle got me, and my mom carried my bag. Then we immediately went to my grandmothers house on a different town, then I met my brothers, my my father, I was still looking for my father, where is he?

Then I ask mom, she said I can no longer go to school, my father is hiding.
After that incident, I no longer got the chance to be back in our old house. I never got the chance to get back in school.

One year after, I was brought here in manila, My father brought me here, he said we are just having a vacation coz I am an honor student in our class, that his reward for me. So I was happy. I was already seven years old that time, not knowing that he is just going to leave me there. One week after he goes back to davao, davao is where we came from. U can reach Davao by plane, 1 hour and forty five minutes, by sea 2 nights and three days, I was so lonely that time, I am always crying, manila is very knew to me, I don't know anyone, I don't have afriend, my brothers were not with me, my mom is not with me, my dad is not with me, and I was very young then, I was just always crying, even my aunt, I don't know her, she was a stranger to me. I hated my parents then, why do they have to do that to me. They betrayed me.

Two months after, my dad and mom came with my little brother who is just 2 years old then, they said they were going abroad. You know what, deep inside my heart then I was so happy to see them, but I didn't get near to them coz I hated them for what they have done to me. My mom hugged me tight, but I was just crying. A month after they flew, bound to madinah. They will work there they say, so we ended up crying again. My little brother, as if nothings happening, he is very young then, but me, I'm already seven, I could already understand. A year after, my mom got sick abroad, she underwent a surgery, so they need to go home, they went back to our town, but still I was left in manila. I never knew why they need to leave me once again, but they brought my brother. That time, I cried once again.

Then later on, I got use my life, that I had set my mind on my studies, then I've learned to communicate with people, I got used to my aunt. I gained friends. So my life, continued, my father went back abroad. Until I graduated my elementary years, I was just escorted by my cousin, not even my aunt is present. Then I entered high school, then college, but I am still here in manila, our family never got the chance to live in one roof. Then I got work.

2004, when my brother got ill, terminally ill, my brother wanted to see me, he is our sibling. My dad told me that my brother is dying. So I went back to our province. Just to see my brother Ebrahim. The last time I saw him is that he is so big, but when I saw him I was so shocked, he is too thin, he was so happy to see me, I was crying, I cant believe that he is my brother and dying for that matter, that really hurts, until this very moment I'm crying. I cant bear the pain, he told me is in pain. We brought to the hospital, that had been his routine, house and hospital.

My brother has cancer, a bone cancer, my dad didn't told me that, we stayed in the hospital for 4 days, the doctor said, they amputate my brother's legs, but my didn't want to, so we go back home,

One day, my parents and I are talking, my mom told me that she never had a daughter to help her, my brother is sick and she is already old, while hearing that, I was really crying, I answered her this time crying out loud, I wasn't able to suppressed the feelings that I have kept inside my heart. I said, "how could u have a daughter? U gave ur daughter to other people"that was just the words that came out on my mouth, then I saw my dad crying too, he answered me, I was just protecting you, I just wanted you to be safe. He said it is not that easy to have a scattered family, I love u, my children, that's why I did that. Tears keep falling on my eye, I saw the pain in my dad's eye, I thought I was the only one who felt the emptiness. For 14 years, I had kept that pain in my heart.

Then I went away, but I was relieved, I was happy, I just understand everything. I need to be in manila for my safety.

April 27, 2004, I prepared a special menu, I cooked for my parents, everybody was happy, even my sick brother is happy, it was 16th birthday of our youngest brother.

My sick brother called me, he said he wanted to eat an ice cream, so immediately bought an ice cream, That night, my brother called up my father, he told my father to pray to ALLAH SWT to get him, he already wanted to die, all of us were crying that time,

Next day, I told my father that I'm going back to manila, my boss is already looking for me, I need to go back to work, so its settled, I'll be flying back to manila on Saturday,. Night of April 30, I don't know what's happening to me, I cant sleep, I was so sleepless. The I went to my sick brothers room, then I saw him, I went near him, I called my dad, I waked up everybody, I have this bad feeling. Then my brother is already reading qur'an, Yasin, my dad is crying at the same time reading qur'an, we were already crying,we were whispering LA ILAHA ILALLAH in his ear, he is already in SAKRATAL MAWT, everybody was already crying. That was the saddest part of my life.....then at 2 oclock am, he is dead. Ohhhh, INNALILLAHI WA INNA ILAYHI RAJEON.

The Saturday plan of going back to manila was extended. That day, hundreds of people were there to mourn with us, but my dad, he remembered my brothers request, the night of 27th, even he himself, already wanted to be in peace.

I was crying now u know.... I told u it was a very long storrryyyyyy....

And u made me cry now, u made me reminded of everything.




Note:

If u have few more questions, u can ask me!

Assalamu alaikum



unit 112 bldg. 6, condominium 1 maharlika village,
taguig city, metro manila philippines
ayah912th@gmail.com
+639153382328


u know what guys, while i was writing this letter, tears keep falling on, i cant stop crying, when i went outside my room, rubelyn, my househelper asked me, (Naunsa man ka te?) in bisaya language which means, " What happened to u te? coz my eyes are swelling.

hope u got to enjoy reading it.
and please pray for my brother too!